Sunday, May 29, 2011

Time to Talk

So, I have been very MIA for the last hummm like 10 or 12 weeks and now it is time to talk about what happened. One day I was blogging about my 8 hour epic training day and preperation for ironman and two days later I went out for a 60 minute easy ride, returned home, tossed my bike across the room and informed my husband I was done. Then crawled into a black hole of anti swim, bike, run. This has left people asking two questions. What happened and what have I been doing?

The first question is a little more difficult for me to answer. I am a very black or white all or nothing person. It seems I just burnt myself out both physically and mentally. It was a solid six weeks of doing very little before my legs stopped feeling heavy walking up steps and it was just last week before I could stomach the idea of getting into the pool. For the first couple of weeks I spend A LOT of time on the couch, played wii and did puzzles. It almost felt like I had the flu, but wasn't sick. Then I started doing some yoga, tried crossfit, and started to learn to kiteboard. I went for walks, road my mountain bike, got a dog, and generally just chilled. Then due to some pleurisy (fluid around the lungs, which is not suppossed tp be there) I needed to sit on the couch and rest for about two weeks while taking some drugs and getting better. Which brings me to NOW!

Now, I am back to having that burning desire to go run, to fling sweat of my finger tips on a hot brick, to jump in the long course pool and bang out a tough swim, to knock out a long ride, to wake up at 4am and train. That is who I am, I am very passionate about this sport and truly love it, which is why I think so many people were confused by my complete withdraw from it. I will be honest that during this whole process the thing that made me the sadest was not bailing on ironman, not lossing my fitness, not explaining to friends/family/coaches/ that I was quiting, but the feeling that I had lost something that had once brought me so much joy. At one point I loved the sport, the people, the training, the gain of fitness, but I had lost all of that. I was scared that I would never enjoy the sport again, sad that I had lost it. It was kinda like a bad break up. I was glad it was over but still had all of those great memories which made it very difficult. Many people told me that if I just took some time off that things would be ok and the passion would come back. I did not believe them and was sure that if the passion did come back it would be more like a year or two or even five. BUT, I was wrong and the passion is starting to come back, so I am going to get back on the bike, back in the pool, pull out the AVIA's and run. Maybe even do some structured training and do some fall racing.
I am so glad to be feeling the joy of triathlon and I never want to lose it again. Time for a ride!